When Love Misleads and the Spirit Redeems
When Love Misleads and the Spirit Redeems
There was a season in my life when I was convinced I was moving in the right direction. My heart felt clear, my longings felt sincere, and I believed I had discerned God’s leading. The truth is, I was interpreting Scripture through the lens of my desires, not through the clarity of the Spirit. At the time, I did not know the difference.
I was married, yet I carried a deep, long-held love for my first love—let me call him John. It was the classic story of boy meets girl at a high school dance. The bond between us had been powerful, emotional, and formative. Because of that, I began to read Scripture in a way that supported what my heart already wanted. I told myself that because John was the first boy I gave myself to, he must have been “my husband” in God’s eyes. The longing I felt seemed holy to me. I convinced myself that pursuing him was right.
But the human heart is complex. Scripture says, “The heart is deceitful above all things… who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). At the time, I did not realize how desperately I needed God to interpret my desires for me. I believed I was discerning God’s will, when in truth, I was wrapped in a bondage I could not name.
That yearning lasted for years. Eventually, I reached out to John. To my surprise, he felt similarly—but for different reasons. He cared for me deeply but did not believe we should break apart our families to pursue a relationship. Still, both of us allowed our emotions to lead us into a physical relationship. At the time, I thought it was justified. My motives felt right to me.
But motives rooted in longing—rather than the Spirit—can lead to great harm. I knew I could not stay married while my heart belonged to someone else. My husband deserved a wife whose love was whole, not divided. I made choices based on what I believed was “love,” but only later did I realize how easily eros can disguise itself as righteousness.
John and I eventually ended our relationship and went on with our lives. He stayed with his partner. I remarried a man named Bill—kind, steady, and faithful. Many years passed.
Then one day, John reached out again. He wanted to renew our relationship. The love I felt for him had never fully disappeared, but something had changed—the Spirit had refined it. The longing that had once consumed me had become calm, whole, and rightly ordered. I still cared for him, but the Holy Spirit had transformed that love into something honest and free. I could now choose what honored God, honored myself, and honored everyone involved.
I felt no inner battle, no ache, no confusion. The freedom I had prayed for—without knowing how to ask for it—had become real. This was redemption. Not the redemption of a relationship, but the redemption of my own heart.
If you want to read more about this journey and the lessons the Holy Spirit taught me along the way, I share the full story in my book, Making Love: The Spiritual Act of Love.
What I learned is this:
All love originates in God. Love itself is not sinful.
But how we respond to it can lead us toward God or away from Him.
Eros love—the passionate, consuming kind—can be beautiful, but also blinding. It can shape our discernment if we are not careful. Yet the Spirit is gentle and strong. He can tame eros within us so that it becomes honoring, respectful, and rightly ordered. He can purify our motives, uncover hidden truth, and reveal where our desires have taken precedence over His wisdom.
Today, whenever I sense affection or connection in any new relationship, I pause and ask myself:
“Does this love honor God?
Does it honor me?
Does it honor the other person?”
This question has become a compass for me, a way of discerning whether my heart is being guided by the Spirit or by my natural inclinations.
My story is a testimony to this simple truth:
We cannot always trust our motives, but we can trust the Spirit who reveals truth, heals wounds, refines love, and leads us into the freedom we never imagined possible.
Written by Teresa Yerkes, founder of the Christian Meditation Center and author of five books on Christian meditation and spiritual formation. Teresa has practiced Christian meditation for 26 years and has been a Christian for over 40 years. Her teaching flows from lived experience, deep faith, and a desire to help others rest in God’s loving presence.
